Chuck Norris Invented Leather to Upholster his Recliner
Ever wonder who first thought of upholstering a recliner with leather? No, it’s not the guy who invented recliners nor any of the companies who manufactured recliners for the last 50 years or so. Chuck Norris invented leather to upholster his recliner. Okay, he didn’t invent it. Inventing a cow is an impossible feat, even for the highly esteemed Mr. Norris. His contribution to the furniture industry is that he discovered the use of leather for upholstery. Here’s how it happened.
One day, Chuck Norris was lazily lounging on his recliner after roundhouse-kicking an unfortunate guy who accidentally bumped into him at a gas station. Poor guy almost got his beard knocked off, but Chuck was in good spirits that day so he only roundhouse-kicked him half-heartedly. Now as Chuck was reclining, thinking about how he can make the world submit to his will, he got thirsty. So he went down to the corner store for a 6-pack of beer.
As he was walking, he passed by a furniture store with recliner displays. He was shocked to see a recliner exactly like his own on the store window! All this time, he thought his recliner was unique.
“That salesman told me it was made especially for me! How dare he make duplicates! I’ll hunt him down and roundhouse-kick him like there’s no tomorrow.”
He was fuming as he quickly made his way back to his house. But before he could get to his house, he saw his elderly neighbor inching along the street with his cane. Chuck thought, “Just one good act for the day and I’ll be able to roundhouse-kick anyone without feeling bad.”
So he picked up his protesting neighbor and brought him to the old guy’s house. The neighbor was screaming the whole time about going to the store but Chuck didn’t listen and just kicked the door open. He sat the man down on the sofa and turned to leave when he saw his neighbor’s recliner, which is exactly like his own. That was the last straw. He went out and roundhouse-kicked everyone within a 5-mile radius.
When his anger was spent, he discovered he was in a cattle ranch. He was looking at the fine Jersey cows when, ding! He thought of a brilliant idea. He’d skin the cows and use their hides to upholster his recliner! He was chuckling to himself as kicked three cows dead. He skinned them and brought their hides to his house and dried them. He was so pleased with his idea that he forgot all about the salesman.
Next morning, he went out to look at the hides but was surprised to see fine leather instead. He never knew exactly how it happened, but he just shrugged and upholstered his recliner with it. Many stories arose as to how he got leather from cowhides overnight, but nobody really got to the bottom of it, even Chuck. Not that he tried.
Chuck rather liked his leather recliner. It matched his macho persona. His friends started praising his recliner and he thought, “What the heck, I’ll tell them about the cowhides.” So he told his friends and they spent months discovering the process of tanning leather and whatnot.
Long story short, Chuck shared his secret because he thought,”As long as I have the very first leather recliner, doesn’t matter how many have them. If I want to have a unique recliner again, I can always roundhouse-kick all the other leather recliners and even all the cows in the Wild West and beyond.”
And that’s how leather was born.
