20 Ways to Destroy a Recliner
Has somebody given you a recliner with so much love and goodwill that even though it sticks out as a sore thumb in your living room, you cannot simply throw it out? Well, you’re in the right place because following are 20 ways to destroy a recliner. These are not for the faint of heart so puff out your chest, roll up your sleeves, and read on.
1. Wear it out till it breaks down. I’m not talking about sitting down on it every afternoon after work. I’m talking about jumping on it, vigorously pulling the lever to recline the chair, putting it back into a sitting position, all done with as much force as you can muster. Do this repeatedly for as long as your strength holds up or until it breaks down, whichever comes first. At least you can say you used it well. This will be as much a cardio exercise as going to the gym. Get a much heavier person to do this for you if you’re not inflicting as much damage. Show no mercy.
2. Use it to practice your football skills on. With all the padding, it will be excellent to use the recliner to practice shoving and pushing. Put it in the middle of the front yard or prop it against a tree. This will ensure an audience who will think you’ve gone nuts, but still, they’ll do for a crowd. Crouch on the ground opposite the recliner, about 20 yards away, shout “Fore,” run towards it, and ram into it. You can also put your shoulder against it and push and shove till either you or the recliner falls over.
3. Box its springs out. If you prefer boxing instead of football, use the recliner as a punching bag and punch out its springs and padding. You’re not ready for a fight till you reduced it to a heap of leather, frames, bolts, and padding.
4. Do a physics experiment with it. If you’re the brainy type, try determining how much force is needed to push a recliner that is perched on top of a flight of stairs. Or maybe how fast a recliner falls from a third-storey window.
5. Get a bulldozer and run it over. Don’t do this with your car. You do not want to scratch your car. Bring in the heavy equipment and let them do the dirty work for you. You can put the recliner in the middle of a construction site so you can get in the mood. Bribe whoever’s guarding the bulldozer with a chance to watch a demolition derby, only better.
6. Practice your throwing, pitching, and batting skills on it. If you’re not into boxing and football, bring the recliner out in the yard. Prop it so that it leans forward a little. Practice throwing fastballs and curve balls right in the seat. When you’re done with that, get the bat and practice your batting skills till the stuffing comes out.
7. Do a chemistry experiment with it. Some people prefer chemistry over physics, like me. So if you’re one of those people, do an experiment about how fast a certain acid eats through leather or fabric, padding, and steel or wood. Determine the materials which your recliner is made of so that you make accurate observations and will also be able to recommend further studies.
8. Drag it on rough country. Make an excuse of going camping and sit easy on your recliner beside the campfire. Secure a rope around the recliner, tie the end of the rope to the truck, and tell people that the rope is so it won’t fall over out on the bumpy road. After that, forget to put it on the back of the truck and just drag it down to the Wild West. Ignore people who flag you down to tell you you’ve forgotten to load your recliner.
9. Use it for target practice. Whether you’re into archery or shooting with every kind of gun you can get your hands on, a recliner would make a great target. Draw a target on the back of the recliner and shoot away. Then cap it off with a bazooka target practice.
10. Make a boat out of it. No, don’t take it apart and make a boat out of the materials it’s made of. Just take the recliner out on a body of water, except the pool. Get a paddle so it looks as if you want to paddle out in comfort. If the body of water has a wharf, push the recliner from the wharf to the water, jump down on it, then start paddling. When it starts to sink, make a show of surprise and tell onlookers that you didn’t know it won’t float. Do this in a place where nobody knows you.
11. Learn how a recliner works by taking it apart. Check out how the upholstery was done. Then take out the upholstery and watch how the reclining mechanism works. If you can’t put the recliner back after a careful study of how it works, never mind. You learned from it. It has fulfilled its purpose.
12. Expose it to the elements. Put it in your backyard and let the sun, wind, rain, snow, even sea breeze and bird droppings, reduce it to molecular level. You can put popcorn and other food stuff on it to invite the animal kingdom to do their part in scratching, mauling, and pecking it into oblivion.
13. Get a tan while travelling on it. Tie it to the back of the truck, get somebody to drive for you, and sit back and recline on it while you cruise deserted highways. By the time the recliner’s worn down, you’d have gotten a nice tan.
14. Let it blaze gloriously. Go camping in the middle of nowhere. Pour gas on it, put a 20-yard trail of gas from the recliner to where you’ll watch it burn, then light it up. Let the pyromaniac in you loose just that one time.
15. Pretend it’s disposable. Go watch the sunset by the sea. A good view would be on top of a cliff. After the sun has gone down and the first stars are out, just push the recliner from the top of the cliff to the waiting jagged rocks at the bottom. Never mind if it’s too dark to see it dashed to pieces. You’ve already watched the sunset so you’re good to go.
16. Make a swing out of it. Suspend the recliner from a nice tree branch and while away the hours swinging on it. Okay, it’s not really destroying it but at least it’s out of your house. Plus it seems like a good thing to try. Anyhow, the elements will break down the recliner over time.
17. Watch it roll down a steep incline. A steep hill would do nicely. Or a place where you don’t have to drag the recliner to the top. Just push it and let it roll down the incline. It would make for some unique entertainment, however short-lived.
18. Let your friends wreck it for you. Hold a contest to see who among your friends can come up with the best way to destroy a recliner. The price will be to carry out the deed itself, plus your unending gratitude and goodwill.
19. Let your kids and their friends play on it. Ask your kids to invite their friends over for a sleepover. Then let them play with the recliner. They can jump on it, crank its lever every which way, tip it over, and jump on it some more. A few nights of this and the recliner would give out.
20. Start a recliner demolition derby. Put some wheels on it, add a motor, and put as much horsepower into it. Get neighbors and friends to do the same to recliners they want to get rid off and start a demolition derby. You can only hit someone with the back of your recliner. You do not want to smash your legs in the process. Or you can put a leg guard so that you can ram into anyone every which way. Do it in a muddy field to make it more exciting.
